Sigh.

Yesterday: 3,000 calories total after my late night noshing.
Today: 15 calories so far.

I know you're reading this like I am starving myself. Trust me, I know that choices like that one are not healthy, good for your body, and probably won't make you lose weight (starvation mode and whatnot).

I am type one diabetic. So that adds another layer of craziness to this journey.

Today my blood sugar levels have been outrageously high, causing nausea, a headache, and a general crappy feeling. And, when you're blood sugar levels are elevated, you can't consume sugars or carbohydrates, so basically that leaves me sucking on sugar free Popsicles, drinking clear fluids, and trying to hold down this morning's medication. Sounds awesome, right?

Most of the time, being diabetic is okay. But on days (read: months) like this, it is super discouraging and plays with your emotions and your life.

Tonight, I will have an awesome dinner and probably do some stretches and yoga to ease my mind.

I'm finding myself more and more unhinged recently. I should probably go talk to someone, but honestly, I can't afford it. Having no medical insurance is scary and sad. Life isn't going as planned for me and...

Whoa, this is probably my blood sugar talking, which is why I am going to cut this short.

Source: livestressfree.info/Yoga-Poses.html

Beginning My Journey

I suppose I should start this post off with my reasons why I am starting this blog. Not to give you TMI, but this afternoon while I was showering, I looked down and saw my tummy, not my toes. At first my reaction was that this was normal. Yes, I sighed loudly and felt bad, but hey, this was just how my life was. I am fat. And that's just how life is. But, wait, that's not true. I did this to myself. Not being able to see past your gut and to your pretty painted toes is just plain sad.

Standing under the hot water, I decided that there is no more excuses. I have nearly one hundred pounds to lost to be in my healthy weight range and that's my goal. Not just to be thin, but to be healthy. Surely I could lose weight on a crazy diet, or by hurting my body with starvation, or whatever else crazy information I could find out there...but that's not what I am going to do.

For once, I am not going to take the easy way out. It will not be a cakewalk. (Yes, I am already thinking about cake and I'm only twenty minutes into this life change.) It will probably seem impossible. I will probably cry. A lot. And maybe yell a little bit. Regardless, I want to do this. I need to do this. This is my journey to lose weight, get fit, become healthier, become more balanced, and hopefully, find my "happy" again.

If anyone is reading, are you on your own journey? What's your story? Are you also tired of always grabbing your "fat jeans" because the others won't fit? Any advice for a newbie finally taking her life in her own hands? :)